Put your amazing jokes here


#163

And did her computer come with one of those built-in beverage holders -?


#164
  1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

  2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. It’s a hardware problem.

  3. A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.


#165

What’s it called when you can’t type commands into a console?
A terminal illness.


#166

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded fro Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program - Unexpected Child 1.1 - began processing and took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity - including applications, such as Golf 10.3, Pizza 5.0 , Going To The Pub After Work 7.5, and Television 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User


Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that users of these types of programs often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate any possible software conflict.

The best course of action is to enter the command “C:\APOLOGIZE” because ultimately you will have to give the “APOLOGIZE” command before the system will return to normal anyway.

In short, Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook-It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs .

Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software - such as Flowers 2.1 and Jewelry 5.0.

WARNING!!! – DO NOT, under any circumstances, install “Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3”. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support


#167

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support


#168

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. You know you’re going to have to click I Agree at the end…


#169

Or leave altogether.


#170

I’d crack a chemistry joke but I’m afraid I won’t get a good reaction.


#171

I’d crack another chemistry joke but… Na.


#172

I’d crack another one but all the good ones argon.


#173

:joy: and also that beer thing.


#174

Every pun you write compounds the problem.


#175

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “For you, no charge…”


#176

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer…and a mop.

Cowboy Wisdom: If you wrestle with a pig, you both will get really dirty…and the pig likes it.

Two geologists are walking down a hill after a long day in the field. One of them is really tired, so he asks his colleague if he can give him the chert off his back.

Two magnets are standing at the bar. One magnet looks at the other and says, “I’m really attracted to you.”


#177

A biologist and a physicist were in love. But there was no chemistry between them.


#178

Are you saying they didn’t get the right reaction?


#179

The bartender says, “Sorry, pal, we don’t serve neutrinos here…”

A neutrino walks into a bar and orders a drink.


#180

The two magnets in the bar are strongly attracted to one another. However, they are polar opposites.


#181

Their valencies were unmatched. Yeah.


#182

No likes…

I guess it was too geeky even for this site! :unamused: