Put your amazing jokes here


#83

Tobacco Companies always kill there best customer


#84

Two blonds are walking together along the street when one of them finds a woman’s cosmetic kit lying on the sidewalk.

She picks it up - opens it, looks into the small mirror, and says - “Gee, that’s funny. The person in this mirror looks very familiar.”

The second blond reaches over and says - “Here, let me take a look”.

Peering into the mirror the second blond says to her friend – “Well of course she looks familiar you idiot…it’s ME!”


#85


#86

Blonde Kidnapper

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying,“I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag
and put it under the Pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde”.

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting
beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000
with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde!?”

911 blonde

A blonde’s house was on fire. She called 911 and
said, 'my house is on fire.'
The man on the phone said, 'Well can you tell me
how we get there.'
She said, ‘Duh… in the big red trucks!’


#87

What’s up with these “blondes”?


#88

What a way to go !!!

Irish Humor

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual when Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”

“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my
husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident
down at the Guiness brewery…”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Brenda stared at the floor for several minutes.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and
drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he go
quickly?”

“Well, no Brenda … no.”

“No?”

“No… Fact is, he got out three times to Pee!”


#89

The formatting on that comment is why I hate Markdown. :frowning: What’s wrong with good old BBCode?


#90

Stereotypically, people with blonde hair are supposed to be dumb.


#91

Personally, I have never especially liked the “dumb person of the week” jokes. When I was a kid, it was “Polocks,” and now it’s blondes… I know a couple of natural blondes with graduate degrees that would disagree with the stereotype. :smile:


#92

It’s probably just a case of: we’ve got too many brunettes hanging around.
You know how They are!


#93

I heard the redheads are the real firecrackers…


#94

A girl walks into a bar. She has a video recorder on her face, which points at everyone in whose direction she looks. The other customers are under the influence of alcohol. They are supposed to know if and when they are being recorded!


#95

Google Glass… :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


#96

Why don’t Mobsters like Jehovah’s Witnesses?

They don’t like Any Witnesses!


#97

Did you hear about the two blonds who were found frozen to death, while sitting in their car at the drive-in movie ?

They went to see the new film, “Closed for the Winter”


#98

The boss comes out from his office and asks his blond secretary if she can help him with something.

“Sure boss, how can I help?”, she says.

" I can’t remember - what is the capital of Wisconsin?", the boss asks.

“Oh that’s too easy”, she burbles – “It’s W, of course!”


#99

No! No! No! It’s D.C. Silly!


#100

Lol, I’m blond too and I always have blond moments :stuck_out_tongue:


#101

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”


A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?” The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,“That’s not a TV, it’s a microwave!”


What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? “Omg, donut seeds!”


There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don’t, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, “I’ll get off.” The blondes, all moved by the brunette’s speech, start clapping. Problem solved.


Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.

Lol, blond jokes are my fave


#102

Guess I’ll add to the blonde jokes…

There were three people on a plane . One took a bite of an apple and thought it was too sweet and threw it out the window. Then, another took a bite of an lime and thought it was too sour and threw it out the window. And the last person took a bite out of a grenade and thought it was too hard and threw it out the window.

After the plane landed they decided to go for a walk, and they saw a boy crying. They asked him why he was crying, and he said “An apple fell out of the sky and killed my puppy.” Then, they saw a little girl crying and they asked her why she was crying. She said “A lime fell out the sky and killed my kitty.” Then they saw a laughing blonde and they asked her why she was laughing She said “I just farted and the house behind me blew up.”