Put your amazing jokes here


#62

what is this ? i dont understand ?


#63

The first post (the one you replied to) is a (according to me) humorous take on how the human brain understands different versions of Windows.

The whole topic, is about jokes.


#64

A scientist is experimenting on a frog. He says to the frog, “jump frog,” and the frog jumps. So he writes in his note pad: frog jumps on command. Then he takes a scalpel and cuts one of the frog’s front legs off, and once again says to the frog, “Jump frog,” and the frog jumps. So he writes in his note pad: when left front leg is removed, frog jumps on command.
He takes the scalpel and cuts the other front leg off, and says to the frog, “Jump frog,” and the frog still jumps, so he writes in his note pad: when right front leg is removed, frog jumps on command.
He then takes the scalpel and cuts off one of the frog’s hind legs, and says to the frog, “jump frog,” and though a little wobbly, the frog jumps on command. So he writes in his note pad: when right rear leg is removed, frog jumps on command.
He then takes his scalpel and cuts off the last leg of the frog, and says, “Jump frog.” The frog doesn’t jump. The scientist lowers his head closer to the frog and yells, “Jump frog, jump” But the frog doesn’t jump. So the scientist writes in his note pad: when left rear leg is removed, frog cannot hear.


#65

My Blackberry is Frozen


#66

I can’t see an end.
I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape - I don’t even have a home anymore.

Definitely time for a new keyboard.


The optimist sees a glass half full. The pessimist sees a glass half empty. The physicist ducks.

Also, http://what-if.xkcd.com/75/


#67

I was gonna tell a joke about sodium but then I thought, Na.


#68

I was gonna tell a light joke, He He


#69

This belongs in images, but with the kind of jokes we’ve been having:


#70

That’s interesting, I study chemistry and I didn’t get it :smiley:


#71

Snapple > sn apple > tin apple.


#72

Haha thanks, I guess it’s really true what they say. Jokes aren’t funny when they have to be explained. I mean yes I get it now but I would never have found out myself.


#73

A woman was on her way home after running some errands when she decided to drop her son’s house for an impromptu visit.

She knocked on the door then just walked right in.

The woman was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?!” she asked.

“I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,” replied her daughter-in-law.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? - But you’re naked!”

“Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress,” she explained.
“It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me”

The mother-in-law left.

When she arrived home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to come home.

Finally, her husband arrived home.

He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress,” she whispered sensually.

“Needs ironing,” he said. "What’s for dinner?

They expect him to be out of the hospital in about three weeks…


#74

My wife asked me to take her out somewhere expensive.
I took her to the gas station.

I got out in one, but still walk with a noticeable limp.


#75

I can’t see an end.
I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape - I don’t even have a home anymore.
Definitely time for a new keyboard.


#76

Here’s an image to help if you don’t get it:


#78

Here’s a few

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.


Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”


A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”


#79

Billy Bob’s First Time

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides
it’s time for his son, 14 year old Billy Bob, to learn
the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of
ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.

Bubba introduces Billy Bob to the madam, and explains
that it’s time for his indoctrination to sex.

The madam says, “Bubba you’ve been such a good customer
over the years, I’m going to see to your son personally.”

So the madam takes Billy Bob by the hand and leads him
upstairs, where she completes his deflowering.

Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says,
“Since this is your first time, I’m going to see that you get
the full treatment before you leave. I’m going to give you a manicure too.”

Two weeks later Bubba and Billy Bob run into the madam on the town’s main street.

Billy Bob is acting a little shy, so the madam smiles and says,
“Well, Billy Bob, don’t you remember me?”

"Yes ma’am the boy stammers, “You’re the lady that gave me the crabs
and then cut off my fingernails so I couldn’t scratch 'em.”


#80

Corvette

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an interstate road for
a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through
his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph
he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

“There ain’t no way they can catch my new Corvette,” he thought to
himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 110 and
finally 125 with the lights still behind him.

“What in hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined
it and the car.

“I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t feel
like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that
I haven’t heard before you can go!”

“Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” the man said, “and I was
afraid you were trying to give her back!”

“Have a nice night”, said the officer. ;o)


#81

Ow! Ow! Ow! Damn that Man i Cure.


#82

Damn That Man in Blue! (I mean Thanks, umm…)