Put your amazing jokes here


#183

I think it’s tacyhons that move backward in time, since they are superluminal. :wink:


#184

#185

Samsung’s First Law Of Bloatware:

For every functional Google app on the device, there should exist an equal but dysfunctional S-App.


#186

If I ever use “there” instead of “they’re” and “your” instead of “you’re” in the same post, it means I have been kidnapped and am signalling for help.


#187


#188

Getcha Dad jokes here.


#189

can’t believ i dug in the whole 186 posts! :smiley:


#190

Joke…hmm… my ex :joy:


#191

Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A: Unique up on it.


#192

What is a wok?

An object you throw at a wabbit.


What did the frog say when he jumped into the puddle?

“Knee-Deep.”


#193

I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

I changed my password an hour ago and just could not help but to add this one liner.


#194

A farmer’s wife in Indiana called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called – but on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.

The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman discovered:

  1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire via a steel chain and collar.

  2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

  3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.

  4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.

  5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring – which demonstrates that some problems actually CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.


#195

“Just checking, has anyone tried turning off the United States lately, waiting 30 seconds, and then turning it back on?”


#197

Q: What do computers and air conditioners have in common?
A: They both become useless when you open windows.

The box said ‘Requires Windows Vista or better’. So I installed LINUX.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”

Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC.

I’ve got a really good UDP joke to tell you, but I don’t know if you’ll get it.

There’s no place like 127.0.0.1

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d.

Linus Torvalds: “Real men don’t use backups, they post their stuff on a 
public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.”

The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user
with an idea.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer 

#198

I went to the Grand Canyon twice. While there the first time at age 10 I met an Indian Chief. I had heard that Indians had great memories so I ask him what he had for Breakfast on June 6, 1942. He said, “Eggs”. When I returned some 8 years later I saw him again. I greeted him respectfully with a raised hand and said, “How! Great Chief”. He replied, “Scrambled”.


#199

Dropping your laptop may result in a RUD.

RUD = Rapid Unscheduled Disassembly.

:grinning:
–P


#200

Someone saw the news on the latest SpaceX launch yesterday.

RUD indeed… I knew that missile first stage booster touched down too fast for a safe landing.


#201

I am so busted! :flushed:

On a slightly serious note: I think that what the SpaceX folks have accomplished is very cool and inspiring!
–P


#202

lol thats hilarious.


#203

A guy is unhappy with the way his life has been going – hates his job, hasn’t had a relationship in years, no close friends, etc.

He decides he needs to embark on a true spiritual journey to discover a better meaning for his life - so he travels to Nepal and joins an order of monks who live in abject austerity and take a vow to only speak two words, once every ten years.

He’s given a small, dark room - where he lives as he carries out his daily chores - all the while adhering to his strict vow of silence.

Finally - after ten years - he is permitted to utter his two word. So he goes into the office of the head abbot and quietly says - “Hard Bed.”

Another ten years quietly pass, as the poor guy waits for his moment of enlightenment.

Once again, he’s permitted to appear before the abbot, where this time he says - “Cold food.”

----

The man dutifully returns to his life of austerity, while remaining silent for yet another ten years –

And again, he meets with the abbot to speak his two words –

“I quit” - says the man.

To which, the abbot replies – “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised because you’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here.”