Put your amazing jokes here


#1

I think that since we have something for images, we might as well treat the written stuff nicely too.
Let me start:

Part of the human brain code… in JavaScript.

function osUnderstanding() {
	if (user.os=="Windows XP") {
		return omgWindowsFisherPrice;
	}
	else if (user.os=="Windows Vista") {
		return myPCisUltraSlow;
	}
	else if (user.os=="Windows 7") {
		return notTooGreat;
	}
	else if (user.os=="Windows 8") {
		return omgWindowsLego;
	}
}

Sharing a funny computer comic
Add your funny blonde jokes here :P
#2

Another one: An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar.

Bartender: What up for you, boys?
Mathematician 1: Half a beer, please.
Mathematician 2: A quarter beer, please.
Mathematician 3: An eighth beet, please.
Mathematician 4: A sixteen…
Bartender: All right, all right.   pours one beer


#3

There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any Gigs yet…


#4

We need a groan button!


#5

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he drank coffee before it was cool.

A programmer’s wife is having a baby. The doctor hands the newborn to the programmer. His wife asks, “Is it a boy or a girl?”. The programmer replies, “Yes”.

2 scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I want some H20”. The second one says, “I want some H20 too”. The second one dies.


#6

He may be dead but his teeth were never whiter.


#7

@LadyFitzgerald

Speaking of groan button . . .

Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.


#8

Jumpstarting thread… process beginning in 5…4…3…2…1… thread is being jumpstarted.

Quote by Robert Frost:

Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense.


#9

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

Bill Gates picks his own punishment
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says “I’ll take this option.”
“Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. “That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all!”
“That’s what everyone thinks” snickered Satan.
“The bottle has a hole in it!”
“What about the PC?”
“It’s got Windows 95!” laughed Satan.
“And it’s missing three keys,”
“Which three?”
“Control, Alt and Delete.”


#10

Poor, poor billy goat.

Wait, what?


#11

An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her to “Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it.”

About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.


#12

If they had H20 (Htwenty) shouldn’t they both be dead?


#13

Come to think of it, is H20 even stable?


#14

Shouldn’t be…
I’ll go back to my hole now.


#15

There’s a miner who has a daughter, he brings her Alon and sometimes let’s her sit on his Lapis, She seems to mine more then her father, which is ironic. But all in all her father has a heart of gold.


#16

My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii.
She sells C shells by the seashore.


#17

Irish Humor

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual when Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”

“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my
husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident
down at the Guiness brewery…”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Brenda stared at the floor for several minutes.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and
drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he go
quickly?”

“Well, no Brenda … no.”

“No?”

“No… Fact is, he got out three times to Pee!”


#18

Chuckle of the Day

A Preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one.
As they talk, he can’t help himself and eats one peanut after another.
By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty.
He says “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts.”
“Oh that’s okay,” she says. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and
put them back in the bowl.


#19

a logician’s wife is hving a baby. the doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. his wife asks impatiently "so, is it a boy or a girl?"
the logician replies “yes.”


#20

A female CNN journalist, on assignment in the middle east, heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to the Western Wall to investigate - and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She stood there quietly, watching the old man pray very intently.

After about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. May I ask, What’s your name?”

“Schmuyel Feinberg,” replied the old man.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

" Ohhh — For about 60 years."

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”, asked the reporter.

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”
“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”
“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”
“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”

“Really?!? And, let me ask…how do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a wall.”